The Role of Play in Healing

Children rarely grieve with words. Instead, they grieve with blocks, paint, dolls, and silence. According to the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, an estimated 5.6 million children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. For many of them, the vocabulary of loss hasn’t yet formed, but the need to express it lives in every drawing, every reenacted story, every quiet moment of play.

Unlike adults, children don’t sit down and talk through sadness. They explore it indirectly, by assigning grief to teddy bears, creating rituals in their games, or retreating into imaginative worlds where control feels possible. That’s why understanding the role of play in healing is essential for parents, educators, and caregivers supporting a grieving child.

This guide explores how play works as a natural, intuitive language for children coping with loss. You’ll learn how to recognize grief expressed through play, what professional play therapy looks like, and how to use playful, creative activities at home or in school settings to support emotional healing. Grief is complex, but through play, children begin to make sense of what they’ve lost and what still remains.

Let’s begin with why play holds such a powerful place in a grieving child’s world.

Why Play Is Essential in a Child’s Grieving Process

Children don’t grieve the way adults do. They rarely talk through pain or describe what’s happening inside. Instead, they reach for toys, drawings, and familiar routines. Play gives them access to emotions they can’t yet name, and it lets them process loss on their terms—gently, creatively, and often silently.

The Language of Play

For children, play isn’t just entertainment, it’s communication. Developmental psychologists have long recognized that play is a primary language for young children. As Dr. Garry Landreth, a leading expert in play therapy, explains: “Toys are the child’s words, and play is the child’s language.”

Through symbolic actions, kids can externalize inner conflict. A child who lost a sibling might reenact hospital scenes with dolls. One navigating anger may crash toy cars over and over. Another might draw a house, then cross it out. These actions often reveal more about a child’s emotional state than anything they’re able to say out loud.

When adults observe closely and without judgment, they can begin to understand what the child is trying to communicate, even if it’s nonverbal.

Emotional Safety Through Imagination

Grief often feels overwhelming because it’s unpredictable and uncontrollable. Play offers children a rare space where they call the shots. They choose the characters, set the rules, and rewrite the story if it gets too hard.

This element of choice matters. By using their imagination, kids can create emotional distance from what hurts. They might explore sadness by giving it to a puppet. Or they might use fantasy to change the ending of a painful memory. This doesn’t mean they’re avoiding grief, it means they’re shaping it into something they can hold.

Play becomes a place where grief is still present, but not paralyzing.

Signs of Grief Expressed Through Play

Recognizing grief in play can be challenging, especially since it often shows up indirectly. But with patience and careful observation, caregivers can spot patterns that suggest a child is working through something deeper.

Here are some examples of how grief may appear during play:

• Repetitive loss scenarios: Reenacting death, funerals, or hospital visits with dolls or action figures
• Aggression in games: Unusual intensity, destruction, or fighting themes with no clear source of conflict
• Withdrawal or isolation: Pretending to be alone or choosing solo play over interactive activities
• Themes of rescue or saving: Creating scenarios where a character tries—but fails—to stop a loss
• Symbolic objects: Using toys to represent the person who died, often with deep emotional attachment

These play patterns aren’t cause for alarm on their own. But when combined with behavioral shifts like sleep problems, separation anxiety, or academic changes, they may signal a child who’s silently grieving.

What Is Play Therapy and How Does It Work?

When children are overwhelmed by grief, they often don’t have the words to explain what they’re feeling. Play therapy steps in to bridge that gap, using toys and creative activities to help children express what they may not be able to say out loud. It’s not about distraction, it’s a structured form of emotional healing.

Play Therapy Defined

Play therapy is a therapeutic approach where licensed professionals use guided play to help children process grief, trauma, anxiety, and other emotional struggles. Instead of relying on verbal conversations, therapists let children communicate through actions, stories, drawings, and role-play. It gives kids a safe, age-appropriate outlet for expressing and working through painful experiences.

This form of therapy is most often used with children aged 3 to 12, but teens may also benefit when traditional talk therapy isn’t effective. According to the Association for Play Therapy, over 80% of practicing play therapists hold advanced mental health degrees and undergo specialized training in child development and therapeutic play techniques.

Tools and Techniques Used in Play Therapy

A play therapist doesn’t just hand a child a toy, they carefully observe how the child interacts with symbolic materials and use that information to support emotional healing. Common tools include:

• Sand trays: Children use miniatures and figures in a sandbox to create scenes that reflect their inner world. These scenes often reveal conflict, loss, or hope.
• Puppets and dolls: These offer emotional distance, allowing children to give voices to difficult feelings through a character instead of speaking directly.
• Art materials: Drawing, painting, or sculpting helps children explore memories or fears without needing to explain them.
• Storytelling and role-play: Kids act out scenarios that may mirror their own lives, giving therapists clues about their grief and how they’re processing it.

Throughout these sessions, the therapist follows the child’s lead while gently encouraging expression. They don’t interpret every action but rather look for patterns and themes that can guide future sessions.

When to Consider Professional Play Therapy

Some children process grief naturally through supportive relationships and daily routines. But when sadness lingers or starts interfering with a child’s well-being, play therapy may be the next step.

Here are signs a child might benefit from professional play therapy:

• Ongoing withdrawal or loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
• Regression (e.g., bedwetting, baby talk, separation anxiety)
• Prolonged sadness or tearfulness without relief
• Aggressive behavior or frequent emotional outbursts
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Increased anxiety, especially around illness, death, or abandonment

Working with a trained play therapist can help children move through grief in a safe, structured environment. It also gives caregivers insight into what the child may be feeling beneath the surface.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Use Healing Play at Home

Grief support doesn’t always require professional intervention. With patience and the right environment, caregivers can create space for healing play at home. Children don’t need formal therapy to benefit from playful expression, what they need most is a sense of safety, freedom, and connection. Here’s how to offer that through simple, intentional strategies.

Create a Safe, Open Environment for Play

Before any activity begins, focus on the atmosphere. Children grieving a loss are already navigating uncertainty. Their play space should offer the opposite: consistency and emotional permission.

• Set up a calm, uncluttered space with soft lighting, floor cushions, and easy access to expressive materials like crayons, paper, modeling clay, or puppets.
• Include comfort objects, a favorite stuffed animal, a soft blanket, or a photo of the loved one, if the child wants it nearby.
• Let the child lead. Don’t impose rules or structure unless safety is involved. Avoid correcting how they play or steering the activity too soon.
• Make time feel spacious. Set aside moments where play isn’t rushed or cut short. Grieving children need extra time to warm up and feel secure.

The goal isn’t to interpret everything they do, it’s to let them feel seen and safe while they work through hard feelings in their own way.

Play-Based Activities That Support Emotional Expression

Some children dive into imaginary scenarios without prompting. Others need a gentle invitation. The following activities help kids express what they’re feeling, without forcing them to explain:

• Draw or paint memories of the person who died. Let them choose colors, words, or images that come to mind, even if they seem abstract.
• Role-play with toys or figures. Set up characters and let your child take the lead. You might see themes of separation, illness, reunion, or fear emerge through storytelling.
• Create a memory box together. Encourage your child to decorate it and fill it with drawings, small keepsakes, or written thoughts for their loved one.
• Use puppet shows or dollhouses to act out everyday routines or imagined reunions. Let them build their world on their terms, it often reflects how they’re coping.

These activities help externalize what’s happening inside, giving shape to feelings that might otherwise stay stuck.

When to Join In vs. When to Observe

Knowing when to participate and when to step back is just as important as choosing the right activity. Grieving children often toggle between wanting company and craving space.

• Join in when your child invites you or seems unsure how to start. Your presence can make them feel supported and emotionally anchored.
• Hold back when play becomes focused, intense, or deeply imaginative. Quiet observation, without interruption, shows you respect their process.
• Follow their lead. If they suddenly switch topics, get silly, or walk away, let them. Grief doesn’t unfold in neat emotional arcs.

Being available without being directive helps children feel in control, something grief often takes away.

How Educators and Counselors Use Play to Support Grieving Students

While families carry much of the emotional weight at home, schools and community programs play a vital role in helping children process grief. Educators and counselors often introduce play intentionally into academic or therapeutic settings, not as a break from healing, but as a path toward it. Structured play within group settings gives grieving children an outlet to explore their emotions, form peer connections, and feel less alone in their experience.

Play-Based Grief Groups

In school counseling offices and nonprofit grief programs, play is more than a pastime, it’s the foundation of emotional support. Group-based settings give children a space to express what they’re feeling without needing to say it directly. Many of these sessions follow a gentle rhythm: quiet time, creative activities, group sharing, and closing rituals.

Counselors may guide:

• Collaborative art projects where each child adds something to a shared memory mural
• Story circle games that prompt children to create imaginative tales with loss-and-hope themes
• Role-play skits using puppets or figures to act out scenarios like saying goodbye, asking questions about death, or imagining reunion

These sessions often unfold in cycles, allowing kids to participate at their own pace. Group play not only validates individual grief, but also shows children they’re not the only ones navigating complex emotions.

Examples from Grief Camps and Child-Focused Programs

Specialized grief camps, like Camp Erin and Comfort Zone Camp, have developed national recognition for using structured play as a key component of healing. These programs bring together children and teens who’ve experienced loss, combining fun with therapeutic expression.

At Camp Erin, campers might write letters to the person who died, then place them into a “memory boat” released into a lake. At Comfort Zone Camp, kids create “memory circles” using symbolic objects or take part in skits that reflect their stories. Counselors trained in child bereavement guide these activities to ensure emotional safety.

What sets these programs apart is their ability to blend structured play with peer support. Children often leave with new language for their grief and new friendships that make the healing process feel less isolating.

Supporting Healing Through Creative Memorial Play

Play doesn’t always mean escape. For grieving children, it often becomes a bridge between memory and meaning, a way to stay connected to someone they’ve lost. Creative memorial play blends remembrance with expression, offering children a safe and symbolic space to explore love, grief, and healing. For families working with personalized memorial items, this type of play can be especially meaningful.

Incorporating Memorial Keepsakes in Play

Personalized keepsakes offer children tangible reminders of the person who died, objects they can hold, revisit, and include in their stories. When thoughtfully introduced, these keepsakes become part of a child’s emotional toolkit, not just items of remembrance.

Here are a few ways caregivers can weave keepsakes into play:

• Keepsake boxes: Invite children to fill a small box with drawings, letters, photos, or favorite objects that remind them of their loved one. Some may want to open the box regularly, while others prefer to keep it closed—both are valid.
• Memory bookmarks or cards: Kids can use prayer cards or bookmarks during quiet time, journaling, or reading. Some choose to “read to” the person they lost as a way of maintaining connection.
• Photo-based items: A printed keepsake with a picture, like a keychain, magnet, or soft card, can accompany imaginative play. Children may incorporate it into their dollhouse, backpack, or bedside rituals.

When keepsakes are part of the environment, they help children move in and out of grief gently, on their own terms. They also allow kids to feel like they’re doing something, an important part of healing.

Ritual Play as Healing

Children make sense of the world through repetition and ritual. Structured memorial play lets them re-create meaningful ceremonies in ways that feel accessible, comforting, and empowering.

Some examples include:

• Pretend ceremonies: A child may set up chairs for a “service,” light a battery-operated candle, or give a speech with dolls as the audience. This role-play helps them process what happened, or imagine how they wish it had felt.
• Symbolic gestures: Writing notes and “sending” them (in a balloon, a toy mailbox, or a pretend delivery) gives children an active way to communicate thoughts they can’t express out loud.
• Anniversary play: On birthdays or death anniversaries, some kids want to “throw a party” with favorite colors, songs, or foods their loved one enjoyed. This blends memory with joy in a developmentally appropriate way.

These rituals aren’t just comforting, they restore a sense of agency. When kids create their own healing language through symbolic gestures and structured play, grief becomes less abstract and more navigable.

As we close, let’s reflect on why play deserves to be taken seriously in a child’s grieving process, and how patience, openness, and gentle guidance from adults can make all the difference.

Conclusion: Giving Space for Grief, One Play Session at a Time

Grief isn’t linear, especially for children. It’s often quiet, messy, and expressed through stories, drawings, or even moments of silence during play. While adults may look for verbal conversations or emotional breakthroughs, kids tend to work through grief in indirect but deeply meaningful ways. Play isn’t a distraction from that process—it is the process.

Supporting a grieving child doesn’t require grand gestures or perfect words. It requires presence, patience, and a willingness to let their play lead. Healing often happens when caregivers step back, pay attention, and create an environment where children feel safe enough to express what hurts, on their own terms and timeline.

For families looking to deepen that connection, Honor You offers more than memorial products. From keepsakes that can be used in memory-based play to grief counseling services that guide both children and adults, their mission is to help every family find comfort and meaning in remembrance.

Visit HonorYou.com to explore tools that support healing, because play, memory, and love all belong in the same space.