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Guidelines for Writing an Obituary

An obituary is more than dates and facts. It’s a short story of a life—a way to help family, friends, and community remember who your loved one was and how they lived.
These guidelines are meant to gently walk you through the process. Use them as suggestions, not rules, so you can create something that feels true to your loved one.

Helpful Information to Gather

  • Full name and any nicknames
  • Date and place of birth
  • Names of parents and any siblings
  • Places they lived and grew up
  • Schools attended and degrees earned
  • Work history and any military service
  • Religious, community, or organizational affiliations
  • Marriage(s), significant relationships, and children
  • Hobbies, interests, and special traditions
  • Any sayings, habits, or memories that make you smile

Before You Begin

You don’t have to write a perfect obituary on the first try. Start by gathering a few basic details and memories. You can always shape and rearrange them later.

If writing feels overwhelming, ask a family member or friend to sit with you and share stories. Talking out loud often makes it easier to find the words.

Suggested Obituary Outline

Think of the obituary as a brief, chronological story. You can adjust the order to fit your loved one’s life, but the following outline is a helpful place to start:

  1. Beginning: Birth and Early Life
    Start with their full birth name. Share when and where they were born, the names of their parents, and whether they had any siblings.

  2. Childhood and School Years
    Describe where they were raised and educated. Mention any special accomplishments, favorite activities, or involvement in school clubs, sports, or community groups.

  3. Education, Career, and Military Service
    Follow the story into adulthood. Where did they study or train? Where did they work, and for how long? If they served in the military, note which branch, how long they served, and any special recognitions or honors.

  4. Marriage and Family
    Share when and to whom they were married and how their family grew. You may include how they met, any children born to the union, and meaningful family traditions.

  5. Faith, Community, and Memberships
    Include religious affiliation and any organizations, lodges, ministries, or groups they were part of. This is also a good place to note any titles, positions, or leadership roles.

  6. Personal Traits and Favorite Things
    Add a few details that show who they were as a person. For example:
    “Every week she would visit her grandchildren, and they loved the surprises she brought,” or
    “He never missed a Sunday game and always wore his lucky jersey.”

  7. The Final Chapter
    Gently share when and where they passed away. You may also mention any close family members who preceded them in death.

  8. Surviving Family Members
    List the closest surviving family members first (for example: spouse, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings).

To avoid missing someone or misspelling a name, many families choose a simpler list and conclude with a phrase such as:
“and a host of other relatives and friends.”

Practical Writing Tips

Keep the Tone Warm and Respectful

Obituaries can be formal, casual, or somewhere in between. Aim for a tone that matches your loved one’s personality and your family’s traditions.

Decide on Length

Many obituaries are between one and three short paragraphs. Newspaper notices may charge by the word or line, so ask about length guidelines if you’ll be submitting it to a publication.

Start Simple, Then Refine

It’s completely fine to write a simple draft first. You can come back later to add special details or polish sentences once you’ve had time to reflect.

Names, Dates, and Details

Obituaries are often saved and shared for many years. A few extra minutes checking details can make a big difference.
  • Verify spellings of names, especially for extended family.
  • Double-check dates of birth, marriage, and passing.
  • When listing survivors, focus on close relatives to avoid overwhelming the obituary.
  • If you mention organizations or churches, use their full names whenever possible.
Remember that this is a loving tribute, not a legal document. It does not have to include every detail of their life to be meaningful and complete.
The contents of this page are intended to provide helpful suggestions to a family member or other survivor who has assumed the duties of concluding the affairs of a loved one/decedent. The list is not intended to be exhaustive. It is not intended to provide legal, financial, or mental health advice nor to be relied on in lieu of such services. If you have specific questions you may find it helpful to consult with a probate attorney, financial professional, or mental health professional.

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